 | Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from the can and splash it
across the carpet and the foot of the bed and then walk in it in the dark
with your socks on. |
| Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each night so that if you move
a toe one inch while you are sleeping, you are sure to get snapped. |
| Cover all your best suits with cat hair. Dark suits must use white hair,
and light suits must use dark hair. Also, float some hair in your first cup
of coffee in the morning. |
| Put everything cat-toy sized into a water bowl to marinate. |
| Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny bites so that when they
steal, it won't be the whole breast. |
| Tip over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter clothing all over the
floor. |
| Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the
cat will drag it anyway (especially when you have company). |
| Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV program
and run to the t.v. shouting "No! No! Don't chew on the electric
cord!" Miss the end of the program. |
| Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner of the living room in
the morning and don't try to clean it up until you return from work that
evening. |
| Gouge the surface of the dining room table several times with an exacto
knife. It's going to get scratched anyway. |
| Practice searching every closet and open cabinet door before you shut it. |
| Knock all small items off your kitchen counter. |
| Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house. |
| Take a fork and shred the roll of toliet paper while it's still hanging
up. Pull a few sheets off and scatter them around the bathroom. |
| Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every scrap of paper around
the house. |
| Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some tootsie rolls with cat
litter and then tip it over right before the company comes. Make sure your
guests get to find this before you do. |
| Buy a mixed bag of cat toys and stuff them under the refrigerator.
Practice getting up at 2AM and fishing them out with a ruler or broom
stick. |
| Take a warm cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it around
yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your new cat falls asleep on
your lap. |
